The hardest thing about me living so far away is being away from my family. I stress that they think I don’t care when they are mostly what I think about. This morning I opened a letter from grandma and it was a thick packet of notes from everyone in the extended family from our reunion last week. It made my heart melt with happiness. I never would be able to do the things I’m doing without there support and sure as hell wouldn't be the person I am today without them. Especially my grandparents. Up north at the cabin fishing with papa, doing projects with gram. The constant support and encouragement from everyone else.
I regret not journaling my experiences and posting more on Facebook for my family to see. I think after today I will start blogging again and fill in with pictures later.
This morning even before the letter I woke up happy. I feel like a huge stress tumor has been removed from my chest after deciding to move on from M last night. I thanked him for all the great times and left it on a good note. I feel much freer now and more like myself.
I feel so safe here. I haven’t been this anxiety free in years. The last time I was this much myself I was in high school. I could do crazy things and dress up and feel super comfortable in my skin. I don’t know what happened the last few years and I thought i had lost that part of me until I got out to the Glacier Lodge.
Maybe it was the lack of guys here, the beautiful scenery, the lack of proficient internet or no cell service to distract me from the things right in front of me. I feel whole again. Like the conversations and experiences i have with people are real. I am completely myself with zero shame. It truly is a magic place.
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